in an attempt to try this out:
I really dislike the character Rasheed. I don't like his ideas of male dominance and his actions. His violent actions towards Mariam (like when he shoved rocks in her mouth) really sadden me and I wonder how we would react if we were in her situation.
So to all the females:
Would you have let your husband abuse you knowing that this is normal?
(Or in other words, would you have fought back against him or would you keep quiet?)
And if you did, what would you do about it if you were Mariam?
and to all the males:
Would you have the integrity to beat your wife knowing that you can get away with it?
(Apparently in Afghanistan at that time, it was normal for men to overpower women with brute strength. A wife beaten was no serious thing.)
Feel free to answer both or add more questions if you want.
-Sola
Well, in Afghanistan things are much different than they are here in Canada. However, personally I would not fight back because it would most likely make it worse, but I would leave him the first time, or at the first sign of him being controlling.
ReplyDeleteI would not have the integrity to beat my wife because i do not feel that it is right to even touch a woman in a hurtful way because i am a woman pleaser, not a woman abuser!
ReplyDeleteI think that if i were Mariam I would do exactly what she did in the end by killing Rasheed,although I don't think I would wait as long as she did.I also really dislike Rasheed, especially when he first marrys Mariam and Laila and pretends that he's a good husband and that their life together will be wonderful, when infact he will lose interest and begin beating them because of his short temper.
ReplyDeletethe temptation to do whatever you want to your wife knowing that you will not be punished by the laws of one's society, is great. However I think it has to do with one's conscience. if you have a dead conscience you can behave like Rasheed who beats Mariam without feeling some sort of remorse.
ReplyDelete@Steph:
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, but where would you go if you decided to leave?
In the book Mariam does attempt to leave but was discovered and was brought back to Rasheed (with police force). The law and society were not on your side.
@Uros:
I'm happy to hear your positive comment. But let's say a close female friend was married off to an abusive man. What would you do then?
@Sharal:
I would probably do the same as I don't think I would have the patience to endure so long. Mariam became my hero after she kills him. So I was wondering if you would run away with Laila while there was still a chance, or if Laila wasn't there yet, what would you do? Run or turn yourself in, or something else?
@Ato:
I agree with you 100%, but you didn't answer my question. I am assuming that you also won't beat your wife, but to address your comment, would you ever give in to the temptation of beating your wife? Be honest.
If I were Mariam I would not have let my husband abuse me the way Rasheed abused Mariam.The first time Rasheed started abusing Mariam I would have left if i was her. I wouldnt look back because they marriage was arranged and Mariam wasnt happy. I would leave or runaway to another part of Afghanistan where I would be safe. I would choose family to live with If i were Mariam or try and start a new life for myself.
ReplyDeleteIf I were a guy i really dont think i would have it in me to beat my wife no matter what the issue is.Men should not be abusing women no matter how bad the situation is or even if it was normal to beat women in Afghanistan at that time. I would not be able to life with the fact that I beat my wife If i were a guy, my conscience would bother me
ReplyDeleteI would not beat my wife obviously,my point is that peoplelike rasheed are cruel enough to take out their frustration on their wives.if nothing stops thems then they will do it.
ReplyDeleteOfcourse I would not let my husband abuse me but I don't know how I would react.If I was Mariam I would of let Rasheed abuse me because I don't have anywhere else to go or anyone to help me. Basically if I was Mariam I would've been killed by Rasheed or killed myself.Mariam is a strong person for killing Rasheed and taking the consequence for it.
ReplyDelete@Bara'a:
ReplyDeleteI understand what you're saying because would probably do the same thing as you due to the circumstances of being trapped. I don't like the idea of being killed by Rasheed but I see it as a high possibility. Mariam became my hero after her sacrifice.
@Sola: What do you mean? If one of my close female friends was married to an abusive man i would convince her to get out of that situation as soon as possible and then I would find the husband and do very unpleasant things to him.
ReplyDeleteWell personally speaking I would never beat my wife or any other women because as a male i respect every woman. It doesnt matter if I am in Afghanistan or any part of the world i would never have the courage or the adosity to raise my hand at a women or bully her. I also believe in "Treat others the way you would want to be treated as"
ReplyDelete@Uros: What if you were in a country like Afghanistan, where culture, laws, and norms prevent you from doing that?
ReplyDeleteAs a woman and coming from a family with good morals and respect I wouldn't be able to allow my husband to do that towards me, in the result of this I would fight back and do whatever I can in order to make him pay for what he thinks he can do to me. If I was Mariam I would run away and find someway to escape from him. Because he feels that he is superior to Mariam he thinks he can take advantage of her, that type of lifestyle doesn't work for me because from what I know both men and women are equal and he has to right to lay a hand on me no matter what the situation may be.
ReplyDeleteI would never let my husband abuse me, if it did ever happen I would leave him. I think I would be able to support myself if I ever had to face a situation like that and leave my husband. What I believe is that a person should not depend solely on your husband; they have to make a career and life for themselves. I think I would be able to get out of that situation because of where I grew up and of what my family taught me. If I were back in the country my parents came from, I think the situation would be different. The principles of every country is different, I probably would have taken the abuse knowing that a girl raised back home has to deal with her husband in any way. If not she would not be able to survive in that society. If I was Miriam and I grew up in the culture that she did I do not think I would have left Rasheed. Mariam could not support herself, she was not taught to think for herself. She was hidden away from the real world; she was controlled by others throughout most of her life. Because she is a person like that I would have taken the abuse or I would have killed myself or Rasheed. This is because there would not have been another choice; she could not survive as women in that country by herself.
ReplyDeleteP.S.: I loved it when she killed Rasheed!!!!
If I knew that this was a standard way of living for all women, I probably wouldn’t have tried fighting back because it would only make things worse. For example when Mariam and Laila tried to escape from Rasheed they were stopped by another male and sent back and everytime they fought against him, they caused more trouble for themselves.But at the end even though Mariam succeeded by killing Rasheed it also led to her own death. Therefore, as you can see everytime they tried standing up for themselves it only made things worse.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Ato about Rasheed loosing his mind. Jalil, Tariq and Laila's father had a better conscience because they never treated woman in a cruel way, despite what Jalil did with Mariam. It was Rasheed who was cruel because he lost his mind and tried to dominate over Mariam and Laila by beating them up. Obviously in Afghanistan men were considered superior to women and some crazy men like Rasheed took advantage of this and took out all his frustration on their wives.
ReplyDelete@Ziniira:
ReplyDeleteYou mention that everytime Mariam and Laila try to stand up for themself that it only makes things worse. And that even though Mariam killed Rasheed, it also lead to her own death. I was wondering if you thought that freeing Laila and allowing her to be with Tariq is a "worse" thing that also resulted from the murder of Rasheed. And considering that Mariam chose death, is that also a negative thing? She could have ran with Laila.
Well, i actually think that Mariam was a really unselfish person for freeing Laila and allowing her to be with Tariq even though she knew she was going to die, I believe she felt like Laila deserved to live because she was younger and had kids to take care of, therefore I don't believe that it was a negative thing I actually believe that she felt like she was doing a positive thing for Laila and her children.
ReplyDeleteWe know that Mariam kills him in the novel so of course she got the ultimate revenge against Rasheed. I agree with Uros' comment, in that we should be women pleasers not abusers.
ReplyDeleteWith the morals and customs I am built with today I would fight to do everything and anything I could to get out of an abusive relationship. The difficulty is placing myself in Mariam's situation where she did not have much power to face Rasheed with the laws and customs built in Afghanistan. I believe I would endure most of the abuse and live on continuing a painful lifestyle with him due to the fact that there was no other option that I could resort to. There was nothing else Mariam could rely on other than a life with Rasheed. All choices that were in favour of leaving Rasheed would lead to more severe consequences, and in my opinion too risky towards Mariam's life.
ReplyDeleteI would have ran away with Laila, Tariq and the kids because even though people would be searching for Rasheeds killer, no one except Rasheed himself and the family Mariam would be running away with know what she actually looked like. But as I said I wouldn't have waited that long to kill him I don't think I would have waited that long to run away from
ReplyDeletehim, but considering how Mariam felt about her life, I can see why she would never had the idea of leaving Rasheed until Laila and her children brang meaning to her life
I think men that beat their wives or partners are cowards. They do it because they feel like they have to be in control. If they're not in control then their whole world is upside down. Rasheed feels he has to show whos in charge so he beats them. I dislike Raheed because of many things but this by far is the biggest reasons why I feel that Rasheed is public enemy number one.
ReplyDeleteBy the way I would never beat my wife. The guilt I would feel would just be unbearable. I feel bad when I hurt someone by accident let alone on purpose. I also think women shouldn't take advantage of this and beat up men thinking that they can't hit them back. I wouldn't personally hit a woman back but some guys would.
ReplyDeleteI would never beat my wife, and to any male that does he is weak and a coward. In Afganistan when the war started women had no rights at all, this makes me understand why Mariam did not fight back. She could not fight back because Rasheed is stronger than her and probably would resort to more abuse. If she tried to leave later on in the book either she would have got killed by a stray bullet or rocket. THe more likely outcome would be she would be caught by the Taliban and beaten then forced to go back to Rasheed. Then she would get beaten even more, so this is the reason i understand that she didn't fight back.
ReplyDeleteI wouldnt beat my wife because your saying you love her through thick and thin so how can you hit her and then expect for her to love you in anyway as a husband its your roll to protect her she is not supose to be afraid of you but she is supose to be comming to you when shes feeling sad.
ReplyDelete